my love letter

 i suck at writing love letters. 

so perhaps this poem can deliver the lines 

I should have written in a fragrant paper

where people drew hearts and pasted photos.

perhaps this tiny poem can affect you 

the way you open a sealed pink stationery 

filled with glitters and all the glimmers 

with flowery words and a stem of a red rose. 

but the reason why I cannot write a love letter 

because I cannot describe what is love

when I recognized its definition

the moment you accidentally held my hand

as the jeepney stopped abruptly. 

i cannot quite put it into ink 

how your deep dark eyes

that beats the night sky 

can put the sun into mine. 

i cannot simply write the words

that would tell and explain 

this knowing and crazy feeling inside of me

like some insects

pestering and tickling me at the same time

but I do not want them to stop. 

i still cannot write a love letter 

because the thought of putting 

your majestic capabilities into paper

and the idea of someone else being able to read it 

terrifies me like a poor mouse chased by a hungry cat. 

what if they see the stars I have long admired 

and realized they want them too? 

i cannot write a love letter 

because my vocabulary runs out of words 

when I think of your name

as it bugs me to sleep

like that throbbing pain of my left leg

that keeps me awake at twilight 

it was both a nightmare

and a sweet dream. 

but the real reason why i cannot write a love letter

is because you took my pen. 

and used it until it emptied itself. 

tell me, how can i write a love letter to someone who burns my paper? 

how can i write a love letter if all the love 

I've been giving 

ends up in a bin? 

with all her expired chocolates

and a suitor's withered flowers. 

so instead i wrote this poem 

the first and last 

for you have broken even the tip of my refill.