if only you knew

here, in the lens of my camera, i would stare at your curious face. i'll record your heart and replay it when i sleep until i memorize the number of its beat. i have five folders all meant for you.

1. photos of you, candid ones that you never knew.
smiling at people holding hands,
frowning at those who cut in line,
your normal face that never, did once, seem normal to me.

2. words ive been meaning to say but chose not to. a confession hidden inside the name "raw files". a journal of my heart laid out on a document with 76 pages.

3. a compilation of our conversations that i would always go back to. your "hey", your emojis, your "i'm here" and your bye that never felt, not once, like a goodbye.

4. videos of you jumping just walking, looking at me (or the camera).

5. and the last folder,
my favorite folder,
is the collection of the photos i took
with the pretense that it was for a project,
a photoshoot,
when all of it was for me
just so i could love you and you'd see it as art.


i dont know if you are aware, but here in the world where i cannot stop, you were my rest. you are my rest.