It's not a big deal.

(Inspired from the K-drama "My Mister") 

I do not believe in past lives because I doubt that my soul can handle multiple tragedies where some are even heavier than what I lift at this moment. I doubt that I am strong enough because I know that I would break before I can breathe my third life. I am just a crumpled piece of soul thriving and striving to exist. I have been tainted by other people's hands so how would I be reborn new?

I am a criminal who broke my own laws.
I killed a thousand pieces of me and there are a hundred casualties, ten of them are people who lent me a hand but got tired of waiting for mine.
I doubted that I can touch their palms without tainting them with my past murders.
So I am here, hiding.
I would never be caught.

But there are people, who are talented with hide and seek. He found me in the middle of my train rides where I stand while fighting the pull of gravity.
He held me while I pushed myself to stay still
In this never stopping world that makes me run,
he waited for my little feet.
And since then, I was never alone.

You see, I never believed that I am living.
I am a black and white person just walking endlessly
mindlessly
in the sea of people arguing and rushing to achieve something
Perhaps I came out from the most grotesque movie
a distorted shadow following darker corners
so i wouldn't be seen.
I am also a thief stealing others lamps
just so I get a little amount of light
But when he told me that I am a good person
and gave me a sun from his pocket
for the first time, I felt safer to step down from this high wall that Ive been sitting on.
I am not a mere silhouette at the back whispering to myself.
I am beside someone who is listening to my footsteps
to my heartbeat
to my breaths

to my silence.

He lent me his two ears
but then, I felt listened to by a crowd
With him, I never felt like I am on a trial.
He assured me that I am a person
I am allowed to live again
every single day
I can sleep for 8 hours without the guilt of wasting time
I can walk at my own pace and I would have someone to walk home with me.
I am innocent and free from my own assassination
the chains that are binding me are my decision
I am a good person
and I should not condemn myself for my mistakes and failures
I am not less of a human for getting scraped knees
I could cry at the sight of blood
I could turn my back and walk away
from everything, and everyone who keeps the dead parts of me alive.
He helped me bury myself
And made me realize that I do deserve to see the world another time.
Hopefully, I would still meet him inside a train
and we would go down the same stop.