I will zip my mouth.

I cut my stomach and put inside my regrets.

i hide them from their gazes.

Then i sew the wound and wait for it to heal.

but there it is inside of my hollow belly

feeling empty and full

like I'm pregnant with water

but this time its all the words i failed to say

all the stories my pen didn't write

all the land i didn't imprint

and all the hands i had to let go of

even if i don't want to.

I can feel them rising to my throat

the bile of what my name should sound like

but failed to be.

I refuse to puke them out

even if they taste horrible

and they block all the nourishment

I should be getting.

I will swallow them

over and over

because showing them, 

letting them pass my lips

will make them real.

and if, by chance, they peek through

i will cut another part of my body

and i will hide my regrets there

until no one can see

but only the insides of me.