you make me want to live a little

i am fully convinced that i have only an arm out of the dirt. that there is nothing left of me but a body just struggling to decay. i write for the sake of breathing and i open my eyes because the dark has always felt familiar. but you, you are someone i have never seen before. you don't remind me of flowers they left on top to ease my indolence. not of candles that burn me with every drop and especially not of funerals i go back to every once in a while.

you look like hope pretending to be a person.
you make me miss the air. you make me like the moon. you remind me of what i have lost but also of what i would gain.

you look like someone who makes me want to live a little.
that maybe someday, i will have warmth again, perhaps from your hand to mine, or maybe just from your mere existence that makes my existence regret not existing sooner. you make me want to break down my walls, and let you in with a freshly washed welcome mat.

i thought 'goodbye' is a powerful word that pushes me to leave my shade and come out of hiding. but your "hellos" are the calmness in the chaos inside of me. You make me want to leave the cage i have built for myself, and maybe I would be a different person, perhaps for you. Or perhaps, and i hope, that you'd be able to see me before i have died.

you make me look forward to tomorrow, for what awaits me. you make me believe that i would be able to write my feelings without a doubt. that this time, i would narrate my story and it would contain the most beautiful words that could fit my vocabulary.

there is this fear of who i am because you look like someone who i might hurt in the future once i arrive at the threshold of my cemetery. but you also look like someone i'd be willing to know until i can no more. i'll shield you from myself, and maybe in the midst of it, you'll make me see i need no fort.

i am scared of what i am, but i'm also scared of what awaits me after the resurrection. if you go, i might not have any coffins left.

but thank you, it has been so long since i sighed with relief.