We have suffered so much together.

I had this notion that you are meant to be taken care of. A little girl that is constantly in need of someone tying her hair, someone to brush out the tangled strands because her arms are so little. The tear-jerking person that never gets dehydrated despite all the water she releases. I've seen you as a fragile vase that I would do all I can to prevent from cracking. I've seen you at your lowest low and darkest times of your life (so far) that is why I always keep a handkerchief in my pocket... just for you. I have extra blankets on my drawer because I'm aware of how cold you can feel even if its summer. 

I always think of you as someone who needs someone. And I've always thought of myself as someone that is needed. When I was at the lowest of low, the darkest of the dark of my life, I was so sure that I don't need anyone. I am a tough cookie that is the leaning shoulder instead of the one who needs leaning. I am self-reliant and I was sure too that I have a stock of tissues, of lights, of strength that I've reserved for you. It wouldn't hurt to use it on me. 

But there you were, a visitor who claims she is a tenant of the house too. You pressed the doorbell thrice. Rapidly and loud. It's like somehow you knew that I will use the help that is meant for you. Somehow you knew, it was the time I needed you. I opened the door while holding my walls, but when I saw your smiling face, it all came crumbling down. I heard the breaking of each barrier. Rapidly and loud. Suddenly, I was the tear-jerking little girl who needs to hold on to something, to you. I cried like I've never done before. I cried in the way I never knew I could. I had sleeves to wipe my eyes, but you gave me a handkerchief with your name embroidered on it. I have feet that can stand but when you held out your hand they suddenly stopped functioning. I have myself but when you were there I felt so complete. I wasn't alone anymore. 

I would put that memory in the middle of to forget and remember forever. 

I would forget it because I knew you got scared. I never stripped that much, did I? I, too, got scared that I have that vulnerability despite the notion that I am holding up well. I got scared that your face is a sigil that unravels all the pain I throw away. I want them to stay where I left them. I would forget that memory because I was scared that if you can spread your wings now, would you still need me? You can soar up in the sky and you wouldn't be afraid of the sun anymore. You wouldn't need me to fetch your feathers and to lend you stairs. You need not borrow my hat to cover your eyes, or to hide. You need only yourself. 

But you suddenly cried in front of me. I knew then that I would remember that memory. Even if you did not ask me, somehow you knew the burdens that I refuse to reveal even to myself. I knew that time that you would still need me but I also knew that you were stronger than me despite your never-ending supply of tears. You laughed at my sunken state but I was happy in the way I never met happiness before because I knew you weren't a little girl anymore. You grew up to be a strong woman, but you would still come back to my door, cry your heart out and watch me cry mine (sometimes, but I hope never again.)  

We will flood my home and I would gladly welcome the rain.